The Final 68: the worst things in sports selection show, pt. 3

FANS! region

FANS! region

This was, somehow, the hardest bracket to fill for me. Maybe that’s because I’m attributing things incorrectly? Fans are, in general, the absolute worst thing in sports but I had to really dig and stretch to come up with 17 hateable topic headings. This should be controversial, I suppose, if we get some eyeballs on it. If you hate my posts tell other people who might hate them even more than you do. Let’s just see some flaming wreckage in all of this, please? You’ve hopefully seen part 1 and part 2 and you should really stick around for part 4 (MEDIA!) if this is making you want to punch me. Now, let’s dishonor what we most hate, ourselves! Continue reading…

 

The Final 68: the worst things in sports selection show, pt. 2

The Etcetera or "I didn't know what to call these things" region

The Et Cetera or “I didn’t know what to call these things” region

I think the concept is explained by now. You are voting on your least favorite things to advance. This is the second region to be announced, after the ATHLETES region. Please, vote. If you can figure out ways to vote more than once (I’ve got faith in you!) do so. The more the merrier. Vote early and often! Follow @FkaSparty on twitter for updates and announcements. Continue reading…

 

The Final 68: the worst things in sports selection show, pt. 1

The Athletes or "on the field" region

The Athletes or “on the field” region

It’s Brackets Season, the most manic time of the American sports calendar and I’m a mean-spirited, cynical, manic depressive guy (with a heart of gold!) so why not come to bury sports instead of celebrating them? If you came looking for something clever or well thought out, you’ve come to the wrong place. If you’ve come to feel seething rage and you want to hate me, my family, my writing, my understanding of the fundamental order of the universe, or if you want to commiserate in hatred with me, you’re in luck! The cut-off times for voting is whenever I get around to posting the next bracket so vote early and often and REMEMBER! You are voting for what makes you the angriest. Follow @FkaSparty on Twitter to see when the next poll posts. Continue reading…

 

So…I Went Toe To Toe With Joey Chestnut

photo 2(6)It was Saturday, March 7th. My son’s foundation, Yellow Brick Road, (cheap plug, but check us out!) had a booth at the Orlando Chili Cook-off. This year was our 4th year competing, and we were hot, having walked off with a trophy last year. I typically try to stick close to our table, slinging ungodly amounts of chili, while promoting our cause. It’s a very effective way to build our foundation’s name and simultaneously wreck the gastrointestinal system of a couple thousand bystanders.

This year? For some reason my friend Clay and I decided to wander the landscape and check out our competition. That moment of zen would change our day, and perhaps our lives, with a story that will fill our drunken bar playlist forever.  We were just standing out in the open when we were greeted by a gentleman sporting a foreign accent an a straw boaters hat.  His question was simple. Would we’d like to compete in a chili eating contest against THE Joey Chestnut and a couple other professional eaters. No thoughts given. I’m in. I don’t care if I’m not hungry, or struggle to eat a second plate at a Golden Corral, this was going to be for pure unbridled glory. Where do we go? Continue reading…

 

Vote in the most important hot dog election of our day

In news that would surely excite Tim Ryan if he weren’t already stuffing the ballot box, the Wilmington Blue Rocks are running a promotion to name a future staple of the American diet: a hot dog covered with raspberry jam and bacon served on a Krispy Kreme donut bun. Continue reading…

 

ANNOUNCING! The Final 68: Worst Things In Sports Tourney

Bracket under construction.

This post is the press conference announcing that an announcement is upcoming. In the tradition of candy brackets and cereal brackets, I’m doing a bracket here at Sparty! You can vote! I’m going to figure this all out so hopefully Dave is reading this post and can offer some kind of guidance for making a handy voter button thingy. Continue reading…