What’s on tap in college football’s Week 7? We question Mack Brown’s employment status. We remind ourselves that Seattle once hosted one of the nation’s best college tackle football teams. And Tyler Murphy finally goes bareback at LSU. JOIN US NOW! (And US is Kip today, as my usual partner is vacationing or getting his toes done or something)
Oregon vs. Washington
Trey: Look at that! The Pac-12’s matchup o’ the week isn’t going to require the average east coast resident to snort three expired Adderall to counter heavenliness of natural body rest. It was just a decade or so ago that Washington regularly ran shit in the Pac-10. Few people remember how good those teams were and for the first time in a long time, this Husky team looks like they can hang with anyone. Washington is coming off a close loss at Stanford (at least I assume it was close based solely on the score. Don’t poo-poo me, it’s the game thing the precious football voters do anyway). So, what does my supple mind think? This will be a tough a game for the Ducks as they’ll only score somewhere in the 40s. Will their defense respond? Yeah, this is close.
Dave K: I expect Billy Joe Hobert to take control of the tempo of this game, early on. But if for whatever reason he struggles, they have a talented underclassman in Mark Brunell. Danny O’Neil will be running for his life from Steve Emtman. This defensive monster has an extremely bright future in the NFL. I digress.
Washington has a nice little offense going for them, but Oregon has the best in the land. Marcus Mariota deserves waaaaay more credit than he receives, but when your offene puts up a bajillion points each week for about 10 years, this is what happens. I think the Ducks still get over the 50 mark.
Florida vs. LSU
Trey: Any other year and Gator fans would have waltzed to the internet and trumpeted about how Florida is the awesomest and will probably roll into Baton Rouge carrying a sack of ricin laced rocks to bludgeon the Tigers. Yesterday, while bellowing with some fellow Gators, we came to the conclusion that we’d be happy keeping this close. (High fives screen featuring picture of Tyler Murphy) ANYTHING’S POSSIBLE IN AMERICA.
Dave K: Even though Les Miles will be distracted because he is trying to get some early bids in on the grass in College Station, LSU should win this game rather convincingly. HOWEVER. Florida still has a pretty nasty defense, the best LSU might see all year until they play Michigan State in the Capital One Bowl.
Oklahoma vs. Texas
Trey: Haters be circling this date. Haters think this is the last day Mack Brown can call himself head coach of the Texas Longhorns. Haters would gladly take “Texas Head Coach Greg Robinson” for the last 6 games of the year. Haters also like Big Bang Theory. Haters think it’s a funny show. Haters tell you how awkward Shelton is. (Stoops embraces Mack in a sweaty carny based hug after winning by 3 scores)
Dave K: Remember how it seemed to take Texas forever to get over the schnide in this series when Matt Simms and Major Applewhite were the QBs? Yeah, it’s like that all over again. Except, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, except for Mack Brown. Cause he’s old and stuff.
Northwestern vs. Wisconsin
Trey: In a game that has the sex appeal of a mid-September ACC nooner, the Big Ten’s best teams not named Ohio State slap it out for the beat on that precious Citrus Bowl berth.
Dave K: Wrong. I already told you the rep for that game. Northwestern could theoretically roll the rest of the year and still find a way into a BCS game. Having OSU as your only loss, ain’t bad. Wisconsin could be in the same position if they win, since they avoid MSU.
Michigan vs. Penn State
Trey: Unfortunately for Michigan, Bill O’Brien is not going to suffer a massive seizure a few hours before the game.
Dave K: Unfortunately for Penn State, they suck (not a molestation joke).
Pittsburgh vs. Virginia Tech
Trey: The hype of a game of this magnitude is the reason why the ACC raped and pillaged the Big East for football dominance in the form of Pittsburgh.
Dave K: I think it is safe to say that these are two of the biggest football programs in the history of their own cities.
Mizzou vs. Georgia
Trey: Every year there are like 4 or 5 teams that fluff their way to a 5-0 record and start garnering national attention as if they’re a major player or something. Missouri, who lists Indiana as their best victory, is one of those schools. I’m not saying they’re not some kind of quality opponent, nor am I saying they couldn’t beat Georgia, but I wouldn’t stoke out if I see them finish them year at 7-5.
Dave K: Georgia is ripe for the picking, though. Someone that is inferior is going to pick them off. Tennessee was literally inches away. Sorry, Miz.
Georgia Tech vs. BYU
Trey: Prepare yourself America, this is your best nightcap. First one forced to pass loses.
Dave K: Still better than watching the Giants.