Oh, what might we have on tap this weekend? Lets start with “Smart Kids” playing a lot of “Smart football.” we’ve got Michigan facing a team that might actually be bowl eligible. And if you’re lucky, you too might be able to subject yourself tothe worst game of the season. JOIN US NOW, it’s week 6.
Ohio State vs. Northwestern
Trey: Can you believe that our best chance of not seeing Ohio State thoroughly dominated in the National Championship game runs through Evanston, IL? What kind of sick, unwarranted joke is Big Ten football playing on us this fall? We’re required to rest our guns on a team that wears purple? Will we be blessed with a Wildcat win after Braxton Miller turns the ball over 3 times, spurning a full on quarterback controversy and several dumpster fires in Columbus? No, but that’s life.
Watsonian: So, this is the game of year of the week in the Big Ten? Sure. Northwestern has actually looked fairly good this year, and if they win, the hype machine will be out of control. IF THAT HAPPENS, don’t believe the hype. If they lose, it won’t matter because there’s a good chance there will be a rematch in the conference championship game.
Washington vs. Stanford
Trey: This game doesn’t kick off until 10:30 pm, which nearing the witchin’ hour for down home fella like myself. What if Washington somehow pulls the unthinkable off and knocks off Stanford? I’m not going to know until the morning, and that’s not good. I need to know NOW. NOW IS THE NEW NOW. (Sets weather radio for football score) In closing, can we please limit these 2AM finishes to Pac-12 games that no one can love?
Watsonian: It’s a shame the game is on so late. It’s hands down the best matchup of the week. The Pac 12 plays an exciting brand of football now-a-days. The conference has depth, powerhouses at the top of the food chain, and run teams out there that play both sides of the ball (for the most part). I think it’s the best conference in football. And you can’t prove me wrong because you’ve probably not watched any Pac 12 teams this year.
Maryland vs. Florida State
Trey: No. Maryland. No. You’ve made a nice living feasting on the vagrants in your first four games of the season, reality sets her nasty, bacteria infested teeth into you this weekend. It will take the remainder of the fall to work that plague it out of you.
Watsonian: The Noles are going to win this game big. Maryland is ranked, which is surprising, but they’ve won against mostly inferior competition. They’ll make a perfect addition to the Big Ten next year.
TCU vs. Oklahoma
Trey: In a normal year, I’d say Oklahoma loss is written all over this grenade. This isn’t your normal Oklahoma team though. Everything just feels so different. (Stoops doubles over) I feel…(Stoops’s body starts blowing up with hair)…so weird (HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWL)
Watsonian: Trey, I see that you’re buying into Oklahoma this year. You should know better.
Minnesota vs. Michigan
Trey: Michigan has required a heavy dose of “clutch” to knock off Akron and UConn. Would calling for a Minnesota win even be an upset at this point? Maybe if they were the Vikings.(<— See I can ride with topical NFL humor)
Watsonian: Minnesota is still one of the worst teams in the Big Ten. Michigan is still the most overrated. Go Gophers!
Georgia Tech vs. Miami
Trey: (In deep smoker’s voice) OPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTION RIGHT. OPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPTION LEFT. ARGGGGGGH A BEE FLEW INTO MY STOMA. But seriously, Miami rolls. Youwannaknowwhy? CAUSE DA U IS BACK! (until the NCAA lays their meatwich on the program, at some undetermined floating date in the future).
Watsonian: I’m buying into all DA U IS BACK hype. Still, there’s something about watching Al Golden in a shirt and tie covered in sweat that makes me uncomfortable. I mean physically uncomfortable. Who would ever opt for a shirt and tie over a polo? Al Golden would never hack it in a real football conference.
Arizona State vs. Notre Dame
Trey: Arizona State is fresh off getting Lane Kiffin canned. It can’t get much better than that, at least not until Todd Graham takes the USC gig.
Watsonian: When ASU rolls in this game, Brian Kelly is going to fax his resume to Southern Cal. Yeah, fax it. HE’S OLD SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!
Michigan State vs. Iowa
Trey: Lets get back to the Big Ten. Not only to they have a television package that requires Purdue invade a national broadcast almost weekly, but they give us this ass backwards competition. Can you score negative points? Is it is possible to play a game without either team ever crossing the 50? Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Wash your hands. Bathe in hand sanitizer. This could be the most unwatchable major conference game in quite some time.
Watsonian: This game isn’t a rivalry game for either team. With almost every Big Ten game playing for a stupid trophy, I feel like this game should definitely have one. They should play for a bowl of half-eaten, vomited cheerios, because that’s how this game is going to make anyone who watches it feel. Two embarrassing facts about this game. First, the O/U is the lowest for any college football game this year. Two, Football Study Hall has the projected score as Iowa 4.2, MSU 3.1. Yes, that’s a projected score of 4-3. Did I mention that there’s also an 80% chance of rain?
Baylor vs. West Virginia
Trey: Last year’s game resulted in 133 points, 1500 yards of offense, and made Geno Smith the starting quarterback for the New York Jets. That’s not the scary thing though. Between these two teams, they ran than the ball over 80 times in 2012? How the shit did the clock not die when these teams were touching 40 on the scoreboard? Looking for a Part Duex? Sorry. West Virginia’s offense is impotent now, Baylor rolls.
Watsonian: Future Texas Longhorns coach Art Briles and his band of bible thumping Baptists are going to go Old Testament vengeful God on infidel and Satan spawn Dana Holgerson. Seriously, who names their son Dana? The Devil, that’s who.