The Boxscore: Wilton Lopez Edition

Reds 3, Astros 2
This game featured the rare starting pitcher I’d never heard of before, as Aneury Rodriguez debuted for the Astros, going five innings while throwing 83 pitches and giving up only a hit and a walk.  Through the 8th the Reds managed just that one hit but it was all for naught as Brandon Lyon imploded admirably in the ninth, failing to get a single out while allowing three runs.  Lyons is really just your run of the mill fairly good middle reliever so its no surprise he’s imploding.  The word on the internets is something called Wilton Lopez is next in line if they decide to make a change, but I don’t get the sense anybody really knows. Feel free to give me fantasy advice in the comments.

Twins 3, White Sox 2
Laughable Hall of Fame candidate Omar Vizquel failed to cover first base in the sixth, helping to lead to a two run inning.  Omar Vizquel sickens me.  But you can like him I guess.  Fetch said I had to link this or he wouldn’t be my special best friend.

Cubs 5, Dodgers 1
Ted Lilly continues to disappoint me. After an underrated 2010 (and really an underrated career) I’m continually depressed by his showings thus far in 2011.  Yesterday he went six innings, giving up five runs. Carlos Zambrano was alot better, so he gets to win the game (sometimes this stuff works out).  Broxton got shut down for being a three hundred pound pile of suck and thus Vicente Padilla is ever closer to joining the Closers.

Blue Jays 3, Rays 2
Adam Lind continues to put a sad little 2010 behind him, going 4-4 with a two run homerun. Brandon Morrow continues to strike people out after coming back from injury.  Frank Frank starts getting saves though he gave up a run in the ninth.  Jose Batista, possible best hitter in baseball, is out until at least Sunday with neck spasms.

Pirates 7. Padres 4
Why are you reading this? You make me sad.

Tigers 4, Yankees 0
Max Scherzer is God.  He goes eight while giving up jack and squat.  More importantly Magglio Ordonez, who has been pretty much historically unlucky even for being so bad, hit his first homerun of the season.  Freddy Garcia went seven plus, striking out eight but allowing four runs. I cannot believe Freddy Garcia is striking out eight MLB baseball players in 2011.

Orioles 3, Royals 2
First Luke Scott asked for a birth certificate, noting that he can go to a filing cabinet and produce his at any time. Now that Obama went to his filing cabinet Scott notes the ease with which such a document could be conterfeited. One wonders just what sits in the filing cabinet of Luke Scott. IF HE ACTUALLY POSSESSES SUCH A UTILITARIAN PIECE OF FURNITURE AT ALL.

Phillies 7, Nationals 4
Jason Marquis reverts to being Jason Marquis, giving up an impressive twelve baserunners in five plus innings. Six earned runs came somewhere in there.  Vance Worley came up to replace the injured Joe Blanton and gave the Phillies another ace, at least for one day.  He goes six strong innings, giving up a run. Raul Ibanez goes 3-4 with a homer but he’s still done.

Atlanta buttfucks the Brewers twice
Greinke came back in the second game but ran up his pitch count early and left after four.  He gives up four earned in that span.  Tim Hudson pitched a complete game one hitter in that one (actually having a far better game than Liriano did yesterday, but I don’t need to tell you that, you’re smart).  Combined score for the double header was 16-3.

Giants 2, Mets 0
In something of a holy crap stat Timmy fans twelve, which means he’s surpassed Christy Mathewson for the most double digit strikeout games in Giants history. If you don’t know who Christy Mathewson is then you’ve never been forced to read Greenberg’s The Celebrant in a Literature of Sports class. It is about how fans sometimes deeply want to blow great baseball players. In the same class I was forced to read “Win or Win: A Season with Ron Shumate,” a book the professor wrote about the former Southeast Missouri State basketball coach. It was not good.

Marlins 8, Cardinals 7
I’m depressed. Hold me. Jon Jay hit a homerun off Leo Nunez in the ninth to make it close but Holliday hit into a double play after Pujols walked. I believe the guitar from Jesse Winchester’s “Step by Step,” made famous by the season one finale of The Wire, is being used in a viagra commercial.  Chris Carpenter and Javier Vazquez were disappointing in this one.  Stanton homered and Eduardo Sanchez made Boggs/Salas more likely to get the next save chance.


  • arkbadger

    Southeast Missouri State

    fuck SEMO

    Taguchi what are your feelings on Carp? he has been quite pedestrian going back to the end of last season. the defense behind him last night failed once again, but even just looking at him on the mound something doesn’t seem right. do you think it is age catching up with him, or something else?

  • Trey

    You had me at Reds-Astros

  • ThatsSoTaguchi

    You had me at Reds-Astros

    The most important thing that happens in any day of baseball is the birth of a new Closer. Its like when an angel gets its wings.

    fuck SEMO

    Taguchi what are your feelings on Carp?

    I was unaware strong feelings were possible about SEMO one way or the other. I suspect the getting old explanation is the accurate one on Carp but somebody should look more closely at just why he’s been so hittable. Somebody other than myself.

  • fetch

    You’re now my special best friend

  • ThatsSoTaguchi

    oh. The answer is Mark Melancon.

  • illformula

    i didn’t know you were allowed to do an O’s recap without mentioning switch-hitting jesus.

  • TheSportsHernia

    Frank Frank! YES.

    /offers Taguchi a Cinco de Mayo beverage

  • Trey

    Taguchi a Cinco de Mayo beverage

    Schmirnoff Ice – Margarita. Good choice.

  • http://laugh-o.blogspot.com starkweather

    Pirates 7. Padres 4
    Why are you reading this? You make me sad.

    I know you wrote some other great stuff in here but I will be able to recall this one. And it made me laugh heartily.

  • http://joebushfreelance.com vez

    someone who can pay in us dollars needs to snap up the gooch

    /market yerself son

  • arkbadger

    I was unaware strong feelings were possible about SEMO one way or the other.

    eh, I dated a girl from the bootheel back in the day and spent a lot of time over there.