I’m an avid chewer and I know how disgusting of a habit it is. Every time I have a chew, which is anywhere from three to six times per day, I go back to my very first chaw and damn that day. You’re damn right I wish I never picked up the habit and I’m even more disgusted that I don’t have the mental or testicular fortitude to just say “screw it, I’m going to be even more unpleasant to be around” and quit. I mean, in a macro sense, it only takes a week anyways, so what’s the big deal?
The big deal is that I DO fucking enjoy it, even despite the above paragraph, and regardless of how nasty a habit it is to me, it affects absolutely nobody else, unlike smoking cigarettes or cigars. I semi-understand the smoking ban, but a dip and chew ban? No. A bottle full of spit may disgust you but I’m not fucking up your breathing and it’s not making your clothes stink, so deal with it. And, regardless of how high and mighty you think you are by looking down at a chewer, that still doesn’t give you the right to dictate to them what we should be doing with our lives.
Cue, the overly-liberal, lily-white, live their entire lives in a WASP-y bubble northeasterners.
“I understand this issue as a former smoker, but I also feel like we all have roles to play as we’re adults, and making sure that we’re not modeling unhealthy behaviors is something we can all do and do easily,” said Barbara Ferrer, director of the Boston Public Health Commission, one of 15 top public health officials nationwide advocating for the ban with nonprofit Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids. “This would be another opportunity for our sports heroes to be heroes and really put out that very important image.”
With all due respect, Barbara, shut the fuck up.
This would be an opportunity for our sports heroes to be heroes? No. If you look to athletes as role models, you’re dumb. Athletes are some of the most disgusting, vile, unethical, morally corrupt, ignorant and arrogant individuals walking the planet, who have been almost completely isolated from real society because of their unique skills, and yet you want your kids to model themselves after these people? If anything, we should use athletes as a model for what we DON’T want our kids to be. Sure, there are athletes like Derrick Brooks and Drew Brees and Warrick Dunn who we could point to as shining examples of humanity, but what kind of message are we sending our kids when we show them that it’s ok to dedicate every waking hour to mastering a game and abandoning all human value in order to get a dubya while you’re eminently replaceable?
Now, I get that there are some redeeming qualities that would impact a child’s increasingly corrupted innocence, and that, in this age of informational advancement we should hold ourselves to a higher standard that doesn’t indulge in such basic and harmful practices like tobacco use or alcohol and drug consumption, but at the same time, it’s these vices that make the human experience more enjoyable. And who the fuck is Barbara Ferrer to tell anyone to stop doing something, anything, no matter how harmful, no matter how ridiculous, if the only person it impacts is that individual?
While I agree that dip and chew wouldn’t be in a child’s mind if not for baseball players, it’s not like taking tobacco out of baseball is going to take it off shelves in stores. Chances are good, at some point in their lives, a teenaged boy will come across it in some fashion or another and then what? So it’s out of baseball…great…but will that teach kids a lesson? I really don’t think so*.
You want a better way to approach this? Even using the retarded “athletes are role models” angle that gets more and more absurd as the years progress? Why not point to baseball players that chew and tell your kids “listen, that bulge in their lip is tobacco. It’s extremely addictive and dangerous. It’s so addictive that some of our most accomplished athletes cannot quit and spend the entire game spitting brown juice on the ground. There are consequences down the road that you can avoid by not starting that these men can’t.” Explain the dangers, explain what will happen down the road to your jaw, just don’t think that something like taking tobacco out of baseball is going to do a parent’s job for them.
Is this an “opportunity?” Sure. And I guess it is a small token of appreciation that MLB players could show America’s youth, but that’s not their responsibility. They’re athletes, not surrogate parents. I’m probably the last person who should be talking about how to influence children to live a better life, but at the same time, this type of livelihood-censorship is just downright disgusting and offensive. I know I have a bad habit to kick, I don’t need you looking down your nose at me like you’re some beacon of light shining on us illiterate tobacco users…if anything, that makes me want to throw in a horseshoe right now out of spite.
Then again, Barbara, have you ever thought about starting with telling kids not to fucking start doing heroin and OxyContin and then scaling back to curbing chewing tobacco use? It’s not like there’s a growing opiate epidemic in your area or anything…
*You want to know the best way to get a kid to never, EVER dip? Give him a HUGE one when he’s young…he’ll puke and never touch the shit again. I’ve met one female in my life who dipped, and she was a hella-beast bodybuilding chick who tried to sell me Deca and Winstrol…if you have a daughter, you don’t have to worry.