Alabama Fan Pushes the Envelope (Updated)

There is a saying on the internet for people coming late with news. /Duckworth’d. For the few of you that don’t know, it eludes to the passing of long time Portland Trailblazer’s center Kevin Duckworth, who quietly passed a few years ago. Yesterday news hit the web like a wildfire, some crazy ass Alabama fan poisoned the oak trees at Toomer’s Corner. In classic whackass form he called Paul Finebaum’s radio show and announced his act.

Those unfamiliar with the joint, it’s a lot featuring several large oak trees, many of them several decades old, that are rolled (se photo) after big Auburn victories. But it goes beyond that. To Auburn it’s their grotto, their Howard’s rock. It’s just plain special. And now it’s ruined. Done. Those trees that have been the mark of several generations are likely not going to make it through a chemical blast that will slowly suck the life of them. All because some asshole can’t handle the fact that the University of Auburn had a little success.

There is always talk about the biggest rivalry in college football, and Alabama/Auburn is right up there with Michigan/Ohio State when it comes to the top. There is also a point where it’s no longer about the rivalry, and more about being a brainless fuckface that ruins the fun a rivalry entails for everyone.

I don’t curse on here too much, but to the idiot that decided to pull this stunt. Not only do I hope you’re taken down in a court of law. I hope your ousted by the Alabama Crimson Tide fan base (whom I know MOST probably agree with me). I hope your forced only to read about games in your tiny 8×8 cell next fall. And when you pass, I hope that the Bear himself kicks your ass. That little stunt you pulled wasn’t revenge, or about the rivalry. It was about your small dick, and inability to deal with it.

I’m a Gator. I don’t care for either school. But I do respect traditions other universities have. I take offense when people ruin something for no fucking reason. Especially when that something takes decades to grow.

Piss off dude.


UPDATE: He Was Arrested…Harvey Almorn Updyke (photo source WTVM-TV)

According to, $50,000 bond and a Class C felony charge of criminal mischief. Good work. Pray your judge isn’t an Auburn grad.

  • Sanders

    To Auburn it’s their grotto

    My name is Au-to, I love to get bla-tto.

  • arkbadger

    well said Trey. this is some pretty bush-league shit, and while it is easy to say “rivaly, blah, blah, blah” it is just classless all the way around. not that bammer has ever been accused of having any class anyways, but this shit is just plain wrong.

  • ParrishWalton

    I laughed at the headline. I bet most Bama fans (not actual students, mind you) think this is just a little tit for tat. In reality, it’s pretty fucked up.

  • tallguy

    I really hope they catch the guy and throw him in the Auburn jail general population, and the security camera “malfunctions”

  • cabbage

    I consider myself a Bama, but that was gutless and stupid. Your team gets beat, so you take it out on trees. F’n brilliant. It would be nice if they can somehow use the Finebaum phone records and back-trace him.

  • ParrishWalton

    I’m trying to equate this to something at UGA, and all I can think of is if someone ripped out the Arches. I would be so angry, and I can only assume Auburn fans are as well. Something tells me this is going to get worse before it gets better. Some Auburn fan will watch retribution.

  • ParrishWalton


    God dammit. Want…want retribution.

  • Sanders

    Needs more regionalism.

  • TheGilly

    Well said.

  • Johnny

    That’s sad. Penn State is in the process of losing a lot of their old Elms due to some disease

  • illformula

    cry me a fucking river.

    /don’t agree with what he did

  • Jim Harbaugh Scramble

    Classless. Its a rivalry, not a holy war.

  • patphish

    cry me a fucking river

    /small dick’d

  • arkbadger

    Penn State is in the process of losing a lot of their old Elms due to some disease

    Penn St. has a real good horticulture and Landscape Architecture departments, probably why they kept the Elm tree’s as long as they did. most other ones across the nation died out in the 70’s and 80’s.


  • Jim Harbaugh Scramble

    Penn State is in the process of losing a lot of their old Elms due to some disease

    I think they caught the disease from Joepa.

    /Its been real’d

  • Johnny

    So Miguel Cabera got arrested for a DUI…

    Yeah you’re right. It’s a small miracle that they were still healthy when I graduated 5 years ago

  • The Beard

    They’ve made an arrest.